Needs a title
Started By
Here is a short story that I made while ala was down about twenty minutes ago. It's not much because i'm not finished. I need a title for this. Help me? Here's the story:
The strong scent of ash lingered the air. It made me cough in my sleep. A sudden large boom them a loud crash made me jump to my paws. Nothing seemed right. The sky was a deep red with a large full moon barely visible in the sky. Multiple stars could still be seen though it was morning. The clouds-a dark, inky black- didn’t fit right with this scene. It was too beautiful to be real. A hint of purple sparked the clouds and a large glow could be seen over the misty fog that lay only inches off the ground. With a sudden jerk of my head, I could see what the glow came from. A volcano.
I felt the ground shake even more than what had awoken me from my deep sleep. Finally, after 2,000 years of being dormant, Mtn. Saint Kailua had erupted.
A large, black and red flow of lava slid down the side of the volcano. I was frozen, unsure of what I should do. Should I run? Should I stay? The lava hit the west flank-that’s where I was- and moved in my direction. At almost 100 miles an hour, I was in the most horrible situation of my life. I was sure I would die if I stood here and never moved, but I would probably not be able to run faster than the lava.
I looked at my paws. They shook like a bug and were frozen stiff. A sudden crash and a loud roar made them lift off the ground and I was suddenly on top of something.
Opening my eyes, I found myself on the back of my best friend, Kiko. He was trying to run faster than the lava and had saved me. I smiled a little but before I could speak, the ash took over. The volcano blew its top and ash had hit our direction. I could still feel myself hitting Kiko’s sides as he leaped over hot ash and coals that shot out of the volcano. If I made it, how could I tell him thank you? Suddenly, something hit my head. I was knocked out-or thought I was- and didn’t know a thing. I lay on Kiko’s back as he ran across the savannah to our lives. I knew I was dead. I just knew. How could he and I make it out of there without 3rd degree burns? That was for Kiko to know, and for me to find out.
I suddenly, for a reason I didn’t know, opened my eyes and looked up to see Kiko’s blurry figure standing over me. He stood there, motionless, and watched me with sad eyes. Patches of his fur were burnt from the ash and parts were gone. Some of the hair on his tail was burnt off, revealing flaming red skin. His eyes had purple under them as if he’d not slept for days. At the sight of him, I wanted to hurl and replace myself with him. It was my fault that he ended up like that. If I hadn’t been such a baby and of ran, Kiko wouldn’t of been like this.
He took a few steps to me before crumbling to the ground. He yelped only seconds after his fall.
“Kiko!” I screamed and limped over to him. He still breathed and his eyes were open and fixed on me.
“Baily?” He called and licked his lips. I curled up next to him, pulling my tail over my nose and pushed myself as close to him as possible. “I thought you were…dead.” He mumbled and blinked furiously.
“I would have been dead if it wasn’t for you, Kiko.” I soothed him and licked a bleeding wound. He flinched as my tongue touched the cut but he remained still. “Are you okay?” I looked at him with wide eyes. He fixed his eyes on me for a long time but finally, after what seemed like forever, he answered in a small, meek voice.
“Yes.” He managed.
I lay my head on him but even though it was night, I could not sleep. I kept an eye on the volcano. If it erupted again, we wouldn’t make it. I could see a large mushroom cloud that had been there when I’d been knocked out but it wasn’t deadly, at least I thought it wasn’t. How would we escape the next time the volcano erupted? What if it erupted and we were too weak to run? That was for the volcano to know, and me to find out.
I closed my eyes after I realized Kiko was asleep.
The morning sun crawled across a deep red sky. Its rays turned clouds orange and parts of the sky yellow. It was an Indian summer. The volcano lay motionless but, no living being on the island was fooled by this trick. From what had happened last night, I was positive it would erupt again.
I lifted my head off Kiko. He was looking straight at me. His eyes were sad as if I was a ghost. I could tell he felt guilty but for a reason I didn’t know.
Kiko’s wounds were healing. They had scabs growing over them and only a few fresh wounds remained. I could tell he was hurting. He probably had a broken leg.
“Are you okay?” I asked him. He was stunned when I talked.
“Yes. We have to get moving. If the volcano hits again, we won’t make it.” He got to his paws but began to fall. I lifted him with my snout. Seeing my friend this way made me feel horrible. It should have been me who had gotten hurt like that. Not him.
Characters:
Bailey- I play Bailey in this story. She is a New Guinia Singing Dog living in Hawaii. Of course this is fiction because dogs cannot talk and there are no New Guinia Singing Dogs in Hawaii.
Kiko- Bailey's best friend in the story. he saves her from the volcano and takes her to safety. Even though he is nearly dead after she wakes up, he still lives.
More characters will be coming soon later on in the story. I made this story for a young author's fair at my school and could get a HUGE reconization if I get first place.
The strong scent of ash lingered the air. It made me cough in my sleep. A sudden large boom them a loud crash made me jump to my paws. Nothing seemed right. The sky was a deep red with a large full moon barely visible in the sky. Multiple stars could still be seen though it was morning. The clouds-a dark, inky black- didn’t fit right with this scene. It was too beautiful to be real. A hint of purple sparked the clouds and a large glow could be seen over the misty fog that lay only inches off the ground. With a sudden jerk of my head, I could see what the glow came from. A volcano.
I felt the ground shake even more than what had awoken me from my deep sleep. Finally, after 2,000 years of being dormant, Mtn. Saint Kailua had erupted.
A large, black and red flow of lava slid down the side of the volcano. I was frozen, unsure of what I should do. Should I run? Should I stay? The lava hit the west flank-that’s where I was- and moved in my direction. At almost 100 miles an hour, I was in the most horrible situation of my life. I was sure I would die if I stood here and never moved, but I would probably not be able to run faster than the lava.
I looked at my paws. They shook like a bug and were frozen stiff. A sudden crash and a loud roar made them lift off the ground and I was suddenly on top of something.
Opening my eyes, I found myself on the back of my best friend, Kiko. He was trying to run faster than the lava and had saved me. I smiled a little but before I could speak, the ash took over. The volcano blew its top and ash had hit our direction. I could still feel myself hitting Kiko’s sides as he leaped over hot ash and coals that shot out of the volcano. If I made it, how could I tell him thank you? Suddenly, something hit my head. I was knocked out-or thought I was- and didn’t know a thing. I lay on Kiko’s back as he ran across the savannah to our lives. I knew I was dead. I just knew. How could he and I make it out of there without 3rd degree burns? That was for Kiko to know, and for me to find out.
I suddenly, for a reason I didn’t know, opened my eyes and looked up to see Kiko’s blurry figure standing over me. He stood there, motionless, and watched me with sad eyes. Patches of his fur were burnt from the ash and parts were gone. Some of the hair on his tail was burnt off, revealing flaming red skin. His eyes had purple under them as if he’d not slept for days. At the sight of him, I wanted to hurl and replace myself with him. It was my fault that he ended up like that. If I hadn’t been such a baby and of ran, Kiko wouldn’t of been like this.
He took a few steps to me before crumbling to the ground. He yelped only seconds after his fall.
“Kiko!” I screamed and limped over to him. He still breathed and his eyes were open and fixed on me.
“Baily?” He called and licked his lips. I curled up next to him, pulling my tail over my nose and pushed myself as close to him as possible. “I thought you were…dead.” He mumbled and blinked furiously.
“I would have been dead if it wasn’t for you, Kiko.” I soothed him and licked a bleeding wound. He flinched as my tongue touched the cut but he remained still. “Are you okay?” I looked at him with wide eyes. He fixed his eyes on me for a long time but finally, after what seemed like forever, he answered in a small, meek voice.
“Yes.” He managed.
I lay my head on him but even though it was night, I could not sleep. I kept an eye on the volcano. If it erupted again, we wouldn’t make it. I could see a large mushroom cloud that had been there when I’d been knocked out but it wasn’t deadly, at least I thought it wasn’t. How would we escape the next time the volcano erupted? What if it erupted and we were too weak to run? That was for the volcano to know, and me to find out.
I closed my eyes after I realized Kiko was asleep.
The morning sun crawled across a deep red sky. Its rays turned clouds orange and parts of the sky yellow. It was an Indian summer. The volcano lay motionless but, no living being on the island was fooled by this trick. From what had happened last night, I was positive it would erupt again.
I lifted my head off Kiko. He was looking straight at me. His eyes were sad as if I was a ghost. I could tell he felt guilty but for a reason I didn’t know.
Kiko’s wounds were healing. They had scabs growing over them and only a few fresh wounds remained. I could tell he was hurting. He probably had a broken leg.
“Are you okay?” I asked him. He was stunned when I talked.
“Yes. We have to get moving. If the volcano hits again, we won’t make it.” He got to his paws but began to fall. I lifted him with my snout. Seeing my friend this way made me feel horrible. It should have been me who had gotten hurt like that. Not him.
Characters:
Bailey- I play Bailey in this story. She is a New Guinia Singing Dog living in Hawaii. Of course this is fiction because dogs cannot talk and there are no New Guinia Singing Dogs in Hawaii.
Kiko- Bailey's best friend in the story. he saves her from the volcano and takes her to safety. Even though he is nearly dead after she wakes up, he still lives.
More characters will be coming soon later on in the story. I made this story for a young author's fair at my school and could get a HUGE reconization if I get first place.
Haiden [Husky & Sheltie Breeder] (#18607)
profile
message
12-17-2011 at 7:19 PM
thats cool, i'm currently working out the kinks in a comic i'm writing/illustrating ^^
Jingle Is A Fox(An Official Jingle Fox) (#19934)
profile
message
12-17-2011 at 12:42 PM
Okay. I'll probably go edit it all later. I've suddenly began writing animal/fiction stories. It's strange because i've never liked writing until lthis year
Haiden [Husky & Sheltie Breeder] (#18607)
profile
message
12-17-2011 at 10:47 AM
"...jump to my feet. Nothing seemed right...."<br /> <br /> I think in the beginning you could hint that it's a wolf by changing 'feet' to 'paws' ^^<br /> <br /> Also, i really like the detail you put into describing the sky after the boom woke her up, it's what my teacher would call 'showing the scene, not telling' =3
Jingle Is A Fox(An Official Jingle Fox) (#19934)
profile
message
12-17-2011 at 10:34 AM
It's fine. Microsoft Word didn't correct that on the spell check.
Haiden [Husky & Sheltie Breeder] (#18607)
profile
message
12-17-2011 at 10:30 AM
"...large boom them a loud crash..."<br /> spelling mistake near the beginning...<br /> <br /> "...as he ran across the savannah to our lives."<br /> to save our lives?<br /> <br /> " I, suddenly for a reason I didn’t know,..."<br /> comma should be after suddenly...<br /> <br /> " If I hadn’t been such a baby and of ran..."<br /> not quite sure what you were trying to say...<br /> <br /> "erupted and we were too weak to run and be safe?"<br /> to run to safety??<br /> <br /> sorry if i sound mean >.<
Jingle Is A Fox(An Official Jingle Fox) (#19934)
profile
message
12-17-2011 at 10:18 AM
It's okay. I felt like people would think that so i made it more ovious as the story went on.
Haiden [Husky & Sheltie Breeder] (#18607)
profile
message
12-17-2011 at 10:16 AM
Ahh, that makes sence... i was assuming she was a human xD
Jingle Is A Fox(An Official Jingle Fox) (#19934)
profile
message
12-17-2011 at 10:14 AM
She's a wolf and she was asleep on the ground.
Haiden [Husky & Sheltie Breeder] (#18607)
profile
message
12-17-2011 at 10:12 AM
I hope you dont mind me commenting, just ignore me if you want... >.<<br /> <br /> "...me jump to my feet. Nothing seemed right. The sky was a deep red..."<br /> <br /> How was your character suddenly looking at the sky, is there no roof in the house? Your transition is pretty good so far, but when your telling the story, you've gotta show the reader what the characters doing...<br /> <br /> I'd suggest something like; I glanced out the window to see... I rushed to the window and saw...<br /> <br /> just a little something to get the reader to the window, or wherever she is looking at the sky and volcano ^^